Chances are you’ve heard at least one of these statements, or a variation on the theme. One of the most common myths about long-term relationships is that passion is only for the beginning of a relationship. It’s the “zsa zsa zsu” that we talk about, the butterflies, the excitement, the spark. But that spark will inevitably dim down and simmer, and perhaps even sizzle out altogether and disappear.

Sound familiar?


Couples will cite countless reasons for their fire dying. Usually these reasons cluster around not having enough time to spend together. That might be because of long distance, seemingly incompatible work schedules or simply children and their needs. What might have been a temporary state unconsciously becomes habit. The excuse becomes “tomorrow,” or “next week,” or “when things are settled.”

Less time together leads to a loss of intimacy, which manifests as a loss of attraction. The loss of attraction leads to decreased communication between partners, starting off a cycle of negativity that becomes one of frustration and further distance.

Yet keeping the spark alive is possible. But it takes more than just scheduling a date or two to make real, lasting change in a relationship.

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